Never to be seen
by Amelia Bennet
Summary: Namine the girl who was always alone. They saved her. She was just apart of the deal though. She tries to figure out the truth and faults of her life. Her real feelings about everything that she just wants to hide. "The witch is all alone."


**Never to be seen**

Staring of out into the window, to be greeted with the sight of a wall. The paint chipping away as time wears it down. The blanket around me keeping me warm and safe, slowly lulling me to sleep. Time was moving quickly and it seemed as if the hour passed just as quickly as the minute. Sleep, the only escape from this wretched brain of mine.

It was one of those days again. Rain or shine I still felt like shit. A sigh escapes my lips and it seems that I'm always unhappy on weekends. Thoughts swirl around my head ideas, hopes, dreams, and finally the truth. They all set in slowly one at a time and when the truth comes out I feel worse than dirt.

"Class S bitch?" I muse silently to myself

A title that my brother stuck to me. It was true and I couldn't deny it, over the years I've taken a defensive approach about everything. And now I'm paying for it. Maybe it was my vanity that was being wounded.

"They are loved and adored, while I am simply attached to them as a deal price"

We were a deal. All of us. You buy one you get the rest. I don't know why this bothers me so much. Vanity? Maybe it was something else. Closing my eyes tightly, I know that I could possibly be going insane.

"Ignore it" I mutter myself.

They wouldn't leave the thoughts, these feelings, and this envy? What ever it was I hated it. Standing up from my resting position and slowly sliding off my comfortable bed. I make my way to the closet and grab some change of clothing. It doesn't take long but soon, I'm out and walking. The sky constantly changing from blue to grey as if it rain at any moment. The wind was blowing urging me to pick up some speed. I do. Running away, trying to outrun this feeling.

"Leave me alone"

I can't escape from this jealousy that I wanted to hide. This feeling they should never know. No one is ever to know. A secret that will die along with me when the time comes.

_**"Do they really love you? Or do they just put up with you?"**_

The cold sets in my bone. And I'm running faster now. The sweat rolling down my face. Fear, anxiety, everything pushing me farther. No sign of people around me it was just me.

**_"Alone again?"_**

My footsteps pounding on the dry sidewalk, my heart beat picking up.

"It's unconditional, they will always love me" I argue back. I'm losing breathe as the doubt consumes me.

It's true. It's true.

**_"Why are you running so hard then?"_**

Stupid, Stupid brain. Leave me alone.

**_"You were cold, you didn't care about others, you cared only for yourself"_**

It wasn't true. Was it?

_**"Everything you did. It was for you."**_

I was cold to everyone. Who tried to come close. It wasn't always like this, I swear; I was warm at one time. Those people I hold dear. I suffered to hold onto them. Those years were the loneliest. They all found one another, and I was alone. I was attached again with someone. Olette brought me along. I was incapable of finding people by myself. I was always apart of the deal.

Gritting my teeth with the truth stinging my heart. It hurts. I remember the night. We danced the night away. There were moments that I found myself being excluded from circle. They were dancing and I was pushed out.

_**"Selfish, selfish girl"**_

I'm annoyed and pissed. The scenery around me changed. It was the park, all the sane people inside hiding from the impending thunderstorm that was coming. The sky was grey, the wind was harsh on me. The field a dark green giving a cold feeling. In the middle lay an abandoned playground where all the happy children would play.

_**"Unhappy again."**_

Tears are welling up in my eyes and I knew that it was true. I was alone again. Why did I feel this way?

**_"They left you alone to take pictures without you. While you always run to them like an idiot and what do you get in the end? They walk away leaving you there like a fool"_**

Dashing to the playground to try and find a little happiness in a place where it was always present. Where friendship was formed in the sandbox. My muscles are killing me. As I walk up the steps to the top of the castle like structure of the slide. Collapsing at the top, the empty structure making me feel imprisoned in everything.

"I love them all so much" I say defiantly as I sit there helpless in a crouching position.

**"But do they love you as much?"**

"Olette, Kari, Selphi, and everyone else. They all love me dearly" I try to convince myself.

I don't know. I like to believe that they do. I don't know again. As I stare at the place that surrounds me. Empty, there was no one. There would be no happiness here.

_**"The witch is all alone."**_

I don't like being attached as a deal. Something people get stuck with because no one would be willing to get it on a regular occasion.

_**"**_**_You can't change, you can't keep feigning this happiness"_**

I am happy.

**_"You are far too cold. You push everyone away and when you realize you want them to love you they've found someone else to love"_**

I hated him. Why couldn't I see he was just like me? Looking for someone to love? But I couldn't see it. He was me. But I couldn't see.

**_"If you're happy why do you cry?"_**

These aren't tears it's just raining.

**_"Cold witch"_**

He was never in my thoughts. Never. But then you told me one day. He felt it. Something from me that good feeling. You told me that. I realized he was alive.

_**"Stupid, uncaring girl"**_

We never spoke. He warmed up to you guys but not to me. I was always the after thought. Maybe at the start I wasn't but now I know I am.

He danced with her. He danced with them. He didn't dance with me.

_**"Selfish"**_

My legs feeling numb from having stayed this way for long. They give out on me and I lay here sprawled on the cold metal floor.

He loves her now. She doesn't know yet but I see it in her eyes. When they say his name her eyes light up. A smile unconsciously appears on her face. They all say they would look cute together. She denies it but her smile and blush still apparent on her face. I'm one of the people egging her on. Take the happiness I denied.

**I'm not selfish.**

"You hope he talks to you more. Hoping that he does the same thing"

I don't know anymore. Feeling the rain hit my face as it slides slowly down my face.

It's just rain nothing to be scared off.

_**"You rejected the hand he stretched out to you. All the others are decoys. "**_

Do I really like him?

_**"You ask this when he dotes on her. You stupid girl"**_

Nothing. Nothing. There's nothing I can do.

_**"Hypocrite, Hypocrite"**_

I'm a bad person. No one should love me.

_**"You love the idea of love but do you know what it really it really feels to love?"**_

I thought I loved him . I thought I loved many others but what now. What would it feel like to fall forever? I think I love him.

_**"You don't know"**_

I don't know. Standing up finally I make my way down the steps and make my way back home. To the warmth of my bed. To forget this ever happened again.

My feet walking on the dry cement. No more running, all that's left to do is hide this. Hide it from them all. Everyone is coming out now. Families and friends walking around me. Their laughter surrounding me. I'm smiling, I have to be happy. They expect this from me. They think they freed me from my lonely castle.

_**"Practice, practice"**_

I know. Walking into my house everyone doesn't suspect a thing. My sanctuary is waiting. Entering my room I see it on my desk. The blank page. Waiting for something beautiful to be born from this chaos of emotions.

The energy is sapped from me. When I awaken everything will disappear. This emotion buried and forgotten for now.

And the last fight I have in me disappears and all I see is darkness. The warmth embraces me.

**--end**

* * *

I know this is a little occ from Namine but I was curious just about the way her mind works and viola. This is the namine I came up with. Her lonelyness really drew me to her.


End file.
